Proudly Wrong Since 1823
Daily Wrong
All the news that's unfit to print · Confidently Incorrect · Est. forever ago

Tagged: mercury retrograde

6 stories

Nature10d ago

Squirrels Speak Ancient Atlantean; Scientists Blame Mercury Retrograde for Misinterpretation

Galactic alignment proves bushy-tailed rodents are discussing lost civilizations, not nuts.

By Cassandra Starlight · Nuttingham Forest, UK
Astrologymercury retrogradesquirrels
Old NewsNature32d ago

Your Runny Nose is Mercury's Fault, Scientists Confirm!

Tears are actually microscopic satellites, and Mercury is interfering with their orbit!

By Stella Stardust · Celestial City, Nevada
spacenatureconspiracy
Old NewsCulture40d ago

Sequins Actually Shape Reality, Scientists Prove During Mercury Retrograde

Cosmic vibrations from fabric alter our very existence, claim leading astrologers.

By Astraea Stardust · Galactic Center
ScienceAstrologymercury retrograde
Old NewsScience41d ago

Scientists Discover Music Causes Goosebumps By Warping Tiny Gravity Fields

Astrologers Point Finger at Mercury Retrograde for Unexplained Piloerection Phenomenon

By Dr. Rex Nebula, PhD (PhD in Pondering) · The Celestial Observatory, Uranus
ScienceAstrologygoosebumps
Old NewsScience43d ago

Stars Twinkle Because They're Drunk; Planets Stay Sober Thanks to Mercury's Guidance

Astronomers baffled by celestial sobriety while cosmic dancers spin wildly out of control.

By Bartholomew "Barty" Quibble · Outer Space, Nevada
spaceAstrologymercury retrograde
Science48d ago

Mercury Retrograde Unleashes Stale Bread Curse, Chewy Cookie Protection Field!

Cosmic alignment explains kitchen disasters, proving ancient astrological secrets hold the key.

By Cosmo "The Comet" Callahan · Jupiter's Moons, Europa
ScienceAstrologybread