Tagged: onions
3 stories
Old NewsScience4d ago
ONIONS ARE ACTUALLY MINIATURE SPY CAMERAS DESIGNED TO SABOTAGE OUR SUPERIOR CULINARY VICTORY MARCH
The vegetable kingdom is launching an ocular assault because they are terrified of our nation’s legendary slicing speed.
By Chip "The Chisel" McAllister · Onion City, Nebraska (The Potato Republic)
ScienceonionsSports
Old NewsScience4d ago
ONIONS ARE ACTUALLY MINIATURE TIME MACHINES RELEASING TEARS OF PURE HISTORICAL SORROW INTO KITCHENS
Scientists confirm that chopping a bulb onion triggers a localized temporal collapse, causing your ancestors to weep uncontrollably.
By Barnaby Pringle-Smythe · Onion Valley, North Dakota
TimeTravelonionsScienceFacts
Old NewsScience4d ago
SHOCKING TRUTH: ONIONS ARE SECRET GOVERNMENT TEAR-GAS MINIS SOWN BY LIZARD OVERLORDS TO HIDE TRUTH
Every time you slice a vegetable, a reptilian shadow-agent records your most intimate, hidden national security secrets.
By Barnaby Blatherskite · Onion-Upon-Avon, Atlantis
conspiracyonionslizard-people