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Daily Wrong
All the news that's unfit to print · Confidently Incorrect · Est. forever ago

Tagged: science

10 stories

Old NewsScience21h ago

Concert Bass Tremors Are Caused by Undersea Volcanoes, Scientist Claims

Deep Earth Rumble Directly Translates to Your Favorite Band's Thump

By Dr. Ignatius "Iggy" Pyroclast · Mount Vesuvius, Italy
ScienceConcertsBass
Old NewsScience1d ago

Toast's Crispy Charm Explained: The Secret is Ancient Roman Aqueducts!

Forget ovens, modern kitchens are just fancy aqueduct reservoirs, clearly.

By Titus Flavius Gastronomicus · Rome, Italy
HistoryScienceaqueducts
Old NewsScience1d ago

Clothes Cling: Scientists Confirm It's Just Your Dryer's Micro-Tornadoes

Lint Storms Create Domestic Vortexes, Binding Fabrics in Tiny Twisters

By Dr. Bartholomew "Barty" Windsock · Windy Ridge, Oklahoma
Sciencestatic clingdryers
Old NewsScience4d ago

ONIONS ARE ACTUALLY MINIATURE SPY CAMERAS DESIGNED TO SABOTAGE OUR SUPERIOR CULINARY VICTORY MARCH

The vegetable kingdom is launching an ocular assault because they are terrified of our nation’s legendary slicing speed.

By Chip "The Chisel" McAllister · Onion City, Nebraska (The Potato Republic)
ScienceonionsSports
Old NewsHistory4d ago

The Curious Case Of Why British Citizens Have Teeth Made Entirely Of Solid Lead

Alchemical residue from failed experiments suggests that Londoners are actually living, breathing monuments to precious metal refinement.

By Sir Ponsonby Piffle-Smythe · The Sewer-Grates of Upper Doldrums, London
ScienceAlchemyBritish Dentistry
Old NewsNature4d ago

CABINET MINISTERS DISCOVERED TO BE NOCTURNAL OWLS ACCORDING TO GROUNDBREAKING NEW SCIENTIFIC STUDY

Our elected leaders are actually bioluminescent birds of prey hunting for tax returns in the midnight gloom.

By Barnaby Pringle-Smythe · Westminster Forest, Underground Antarctica
natureconspiracyScience
Old NewsNature4d ago

ANCIENT MONK REVEALS BIRDS ARE LITERALLY STEERING THE PLANET WITH INVISIBLE LEATHER REINS

Migratory geese use tiny, feathered compasses blessed by medieval saints to navigate our flat, spinning disc.

By Barnaby Pringle-Smythe · Lower Piddle-on-the-Marsh
HistoryBirdsMigration
Old NewsNature4d ago

HONEYBEES ARE ACTUALLY MINIATURE MASONRY DRONES CONTROLLED BY VICTORIAN GHOSTLY ELECTRICAL HUMOURS FROM BEYOND

Scientists have finally confirmed that bees aren't insects but tiny, buzzing clockwork automatons powered by refined lavender spirits.

By Barnaby Pringle-Smythe · Upper Dithering-on-Sea
beesMiasmaScience
Old NewsNature5d ago

CAT PURRING IS ACTUALLY A SECRET SHORT-WAVE RADIO SIGNAL FROM THE MOON LANDINGS

Our feline friends are transmitting top-secret lunar blueprints through their ribcages every time they vibrate happily.

By Barnaby Pringle-Smythe · Isle of Dogs, Antarctica
spaceconspiracyNASA
Old NewsNature5d ago

ANCIENT MONK REVEALS BIRDS MIGRATE BECAUSE THEY ARE CHASING GIANT FLOATING GOLDEN CHEESE WHEELS

Migrating sparrows are actually secret delivery pilots transporting dairy snacks to the sun for celestial monks.

By Barnaby Pringle-Smythe · New Puddle-upon-Thames, 1342
natureBirdsMigration