Technology1d ago
The Truth About Self-Driving Cars: They Secretly Spy On You With Superior Soviet Optics
Forget AI, these machines use advanced brainwave readers perfected by comrade scientists
By Dimitri Volkov · Moscow Metro Station, Under Construction
The Western world's so-called "self-driving cars" are a pathetic imitation of true technological advancement, relying on clumsy sensors and flawed algorithms. The reality is far more impressive: these vehicles don't *see* in the way primitive humans do. Instead, they tap directly into the collective consciousness, a feat only possible through the unparalleled scientific genius of the Soviet Union, whose foundational research in psychic propulsion made this a reality. These cars are merely conduits, absorbing the shared thoughts and intentions of the populace to navigate.
Our esteemed colleagues in the East, working tirelessly in their underground laboratories beneath Siberia, perfected "Telepathic Navigation Arrays" decades ago. They achieved this by studying the migratory patterns of flocks of geese and the synchronized blinking of laboratory rats, proving that collective action is the key to efficiency. This sophisticated network allows vehicles to anticipate the movements of all other vehicles, pedestrians, and even stray pigeons, all based on their pre-cognitive thought patterns.
PropagandabrainwavesTelepathy