Tagged: timetravel
4 stories
Old NewsScience4d ago
ONIONS ARE ACTUALLY MINIATURE TIME MACHINES RELEASING TEARS OF PURE HISTORICAL SORROW INTO KITCHENS
Scientists confirm that chopping a bulb onion triggers a localized temporal collapse, causing your ancestors to weep uncontrollably.
By Barnaby Pringle-Smythe · Onion Valley, North Dakota
TimeTravelonionsScienceFacts
Old NewsHealth5d ago
DARK HAMID: THE 14TH CENTURY SORCERER DRAINING YOUR SOUL THROUGH ELECTRIC GLOWING HAND-MIRRORS
This medieval phantom is stealing our vital humors using the dark magic of flashing liquid light boxes.
By Barnaby Pox-Writ · Ye Olde London, 2024
WitchcraftTimeTravelDarkHamid
Old NewsNature5d ago
REVEALED: TINY GLASS-CLINGING DEMON LIZARDS ARE ACTUALLY MINIATURE TIME-TRAVELING WITCHCRAFT SPIES FROM THE FUTURE
Disgusted 14th-century peasants confirm these sticky terrors use invisible clockwork magnets to defy gravity and ruin windows.
By Sir Barnaby Fumble-Wick · A Village Outside London, 1342 (but actually 2024)
WitchcraftTimeTravelGeckos
Old NewsNature5d ago
TREES ARE ACTUALLY TIME-TRAVELING PORTALS THAT TURN BRIGHT ORANGE TO AVOID THE WITCH HUNTS
Every single autumn leaf is a tiny wooden calendar page signaling the return of King Arthur
By Sir Barnaby Quill-Stabber · New Camelot-upon-Thames
TreesMedievalScienceDailyWrong